first of all..it was raining outside. so, we had to get married in this old, musty church..you know, the kind that has carpet...and gum stuck to the carpet. i peaked out of the dressing room to the altar and saw my bridesmaids standing there...dressed for the club. they had never bought their dresses and they were talking, text messaging and laughing. no bouquets, no helping me out...no walking down the aisle. just standing there. the groomsmen were perfect, standing quietly in their linen pants, crisp white shirts and fabulous ties. the groom was there too..staring at the floor...no jacket...no boutonniere.
i looked at the clock. it was 11:58. i had two minutes before i walked down the aisle. at that point...my perfect hair completely fell apart. i tried to fix it, but the music started and i ended up with a sad little pony tail with some hair sticking out on the left side. i felt hands pushing on my back toward the door...i asked for my bouquet, and a strong southern voice said, "oh honey, we lost that thing hours ago," and i was shoved out the door.
the music had stopped playing. i stood there..feeling that piece of hair that was sticking out flapping in the breeze. i fidgeted with my bouquet-less hands and held back tears as i looked out at all the strange faces staring back at me. i walked down the aisle, without music, without flowers, without my dad.
i woke up in a sweat.
now thinking back on it...the dream points out all of my struggles right now:
1. rain. well. that's obvious.
2. bridesmaids in club clothes: 2 of them still have not tried on the dress i have asked them to. i'm trying not to be bridezilla here, but it worries me. no..it hurts my feelings.
3. flowers: i think i am worried about this one because i am afraid this will be last minute decision making during the week i am in nashville...there will be so much to do that week before the wedding. i'm afraid something will just not happen...
4. hair: because my hair can never do what it's supposed to do.
i think the last part is the most significant...
my dad is not in the best of health. he has come a long way from his heart attack several years ago, but you know, he's just getting older. i am so afraid he won't be there. i haven't been able to admit that until now. and it breaks my heart.
over the next 8 months, i will continue to plan and diy to the best of my abilities. i know something will go wrong. so all i can do is carry on, dream big, and say a few little prayers along the way.
