Friday, August 15, 2008

{random} shuttle rides + strange urges

whenever i ride the shuttle to or from work i usually try and grab a seat in the back. i like the back because it's less crowded and the chance of someone plopping their big butts and all their belongings down next to me is a lot less. ok, so i know we are sharing the shuttle...but honestly, do you have to bring 3 bags to and from work everyday? and why is it that you feel the need to eat sushi next to me? or talk on the phone the entire way without having anything important to say while repeating "hello? hello? oh dude..i thought i lost you." so..i normally sit in the back. but ever since my return to work 2 weeks ago, i get incredibly nauseated during the ride. this morning, i nabbed the very first seat...thinking this may help since i can actually see what is going on... bad idea.

so, i'm checking out the scenery and riding along...but little bus driver dude starts freakin' me out! he's talking to himself...grabbing on to the door next to him and is in an utter panic...he brakes every time a fly hits the windshield and swerves to the next lane! my little bus driver dude is afraid of driving! so i'm holding on for dear life..too panicked to feel sick to my stomach and i see this microphone secured right next to me...and i have this urge...

well, let me tell you about my urges..i actually imagine things that i really, really want to do...but for some reason..(thank the ever-lovin' Lord) i don't ever really do them. for instance, last night on the bus ride home, this chick plops down in front of me and reclines her chair back...throws her birds nest of a pony tail over the seat back to where in nearly punches me in the face. for the remainder of the ride, i could really see myself pulling on her pony tail...or plucking out a hair from her scalp, or pushing her over on the girl next to her. i would imagine that she would turn around in complete shock and cuss me. i would just shrug and go back to sleep. or one time this guy sitting across from me had a big ole booger hanging out of his nose and i imagined taking the piece of paper he was writing on away from him and reaching over to wipe his nose with it...i would then ball it up and throw it in his face. isn't that ridiculous? i have several of these thoughts every day..and i know, when i am a senile old woman i will probably be too deaf to hear that little voice in my head telling me not to do it...

so, i'm holding on for dear life, staring at the microphone, and i can really imagine reaching my hand out, grabbing this microphone from the wall, pushing the button to on, and announcing to the entire bus that it is time to jump for their lives.

sigh. wouldn't that be great tho?

when we finally reach the exit and pull up to the first stop light, my little bus driver dude who's afraid of driving sighs and i swear he thanks the ever-lovin' Lord..thinking he can't believe he's made it another day. i know...because i was thinking the same thing.

tomorrow, i think i'll sit in the back.

3 comments:

Erica said...

You are too freakin' funny! I have those same urges...only when I'm driving. Like just gently tapping the person that is going slow and then shooing them out of the lane...or punching that rude person in the mouth. I have a lot of violent tendancies...good thing I'm little.

Jaycee said...

giving you! (fright, nausea, irritability) :) i'd say sit in the back -- better yet, LIE in the back of the bus... oh yeah! :) x

Abbie said...

Ha, ha!! This is what I like to call my AllyMcBeal syndrome. I have the same urges, so you're not alone.